Did you know that February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month? Why has Congress set aside the month of February to focus on teen dating violence? Here are some statistics to answer that question:
One in three teens is the victim of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse from a dating partner
Girls and young women between the ages of 16 and 24 experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence
Violent behavior often begins between the ages of 12 and 18
57% of college students say dating violence is difficult to identify and 58% say they don’t know how to help someone who’s experiencing it.
Only 33% of teens who were in an abusive relationship ever told anyone about the abuse.
Eighty one percent of parents believe teen dating violence is not an issue or admit they don’t know if it’s an issue.
(all statistics from teendvmonth.org)
So, what is dating abuse and why should we care? Dating abuse includes any behavior by a dating partner that is used to manipulate, gain power and control, make a person feel bad about him/herself, or make a person afraid of their dating partner. Victims of dating violence are at higher risk for substance abuse, eating disorders, risky sexual behavior and further domestic violence. Abusive behaviors include the following:
Emotional Abuse (ignoring partner’s feelings and beliefs, acting in an intimidating way, name calling, isolating partners from family and friends, damaging partner’s property, telling lies, threatening to hurt oneself, etc.)
Sexual Abuse (forcing partner to have sex, forcing a partner to do sexual things he/she doesn’t want to do)
Some people, particularly adolescents, also use cell phones, email, instant messaging, and social networking sites to send insults, show private or intimate pictures of partners, monitor the activities or location of partners, or spread rumors about partners.
Most relationships don’t begin with abusive behaviors. They usually start with good emotions making the person feel loved, connected, and special. Most victims never expect the violence that eventually comes because it starts very slowly and in subtle ways. Here are ten signs that a relationship is abusive:
Isolation (keeping partner from spending time with friends or family)
Jealousy
Possessiveness
Double standards (person has different rules for their partner than for him/herself)
Name Calling
Controlling Behavior
Threats of Self-Harm
Playing Rough
Non-consensual Sex
Violence
Why would someone stay in an abusive relationship? There are many reasons why people decide to stay in relationships including: they are in love, they think the abusive partner will change, they blame themselves, they want to help the abusive partner, they don’t think anyone will believe them or they are embarrassed and afraid of being judged.
How you can help a friend who is in an abusive relationship? Here are some tips:
Believe the story – listen, acknowledge their feelings, and let your friend know that they are not alone
Don’t gossip
Tell the person that he or she didn’t deserve to be abused
Let the person make their own decisions – don’t try to force them to end their relationship, encourage them to tell a parent or trusted adult, support them
There are many organizations and people that can help people who are involved in abusive dating relationships. Schools and colleges have counselors and social workers who are able to help and support people who need it. Each of our three counties also has an agency dedicated to the issue of relationship abuse:
It happens. People will make excuses on why they won’t use condoms for sex. I’m sure you’ve all heard of a few, like, “It won’t fit!” or “I won’t feel anything.” Don't let excuses cost you what's important: your happiness and your health. Here are some of the many excuses someone may use to not wear a condom. Try to practice the answers below before a situation like this occurs, that way you’ll be ready and prepared.
1. “I won’t be able to feel anything.” Response: “We’ll both feel more relaxed when we’re better protected against STDs or pregnancy.” The video above talks about this common excuse. It may not feel the same as not using one; however you’ll both have the peace of mind that you’re both helping to protect yourselves from pregnancy and STDs. 2. “It won’t fit.” Response: “I’ve learned that condoms can stretch to fit many different sizes. And, even if a condom was too small, they come in many different sizes.” In the video above, you saw the doctor fit a normal condom over her entire hand. I have seen it demonstrated where a condom can be stretched from the finger tips to the elbow and from the toes to the kneecap.
3. "I don’t have a condom with me. Let’s just do it this once.” Response: “I could get pregnant or an STD from having unprotected sex, even if it is just one time.” You could also say, “Then maybe we need to wait until we’re more prepared because I’m not putting myself at risk.” It’s BOTH of the partner’s responsibility to be prepared. Girls, you might think it’s strange to carry a condom, but in reality, you’re being responsible and protecting you and your partner.
4. “Condoms ruin the mood.” Response: “You know what else ruins the mood? A baby!” (Or STD) Taking a second to protect yourselves is a lot easier than dealing with the consequences of NOT doing so.
When it comes down to it, it’s YOUR body and it’s YOUR health! If someone doesn’t respect you enough to consider your concerns, then it may be time to reconsider the relationship.
Need more information? Have a question? Leave a comment below and we'll make sure to answer you!
If you've ever seen me in your health class, I guarantee you that you've heard me talk about this! Rub your hands together. What do you feel? Heat and friction. Using two condoms at the same time is not a good idea as the friction of them rubbing together may result in one or both of the condoms breaking. If you're trying to be extra careful, it is better to use another form of contraception with a condom. For example, using the birth control pill as well as a condom will provide extra protection against pregnancy AND STDs.
Need more information? Have a question? Leave a comment below and we'll make sure to answer you!
1. If you’re on your period, you can’t get pregnant. Just because you’re on your period doesn’t mean you can’t get pregnant during this time. While every female is different, sometimes they can ovulate while they are on their period. What you also have to keepin mind is that sperm can live in the female body on average 3-4 days, but can live as long as 5-7 days. If a couple has sex towards the end of her period, and her body decides to ovulate soon after, there could be sperm still living. It only takes one sperm to meet with an egg, so it’s important that if you make the decision to have sex, you need to be protected EVERY time!
2. If you urinate after sex, it will wash all of the sperm away, and you won’t get pregnant. This is a common myth I hear a lot. What you have to realize is that the urethra and the vagina are two separate areas in the body. A female does not urinate out of her vagina. This is how she is able to wear a tampon and urinate at the same time. So, even though the two are very close to each other, urinating after you have sex will do nothing to wash sperm out of the vagina. The only way to help keep sperm away is to use a condom, or to not have sex at all!
3. If you douche after sex, it will rinse the sperm out and you won’t get pregnant. Douching is a method used to wash out the vagina. Thus, some people look at this as an effective method of birth control. In reality, douching may actually help the sperm reach the egg faster when douching takes place. Douching has also shown to possibly create infections in the vagina. Overall, douching isn’t as helpful as once thought, so just steer clear of this method all together.
4. You can’t get pregnant the first time you have sex. Just because you’ve never had sex doesn’t mean that you get a free pass the first time you have sex. For example, most of you have heard of Maci from MTV’s show Teen Mom. Maci is a great example of how this can happen! Maci lost her virginity with her then boyfriend, Ryan, and two months later found out that she was 8 weeks pregnant. Sex is a big responsibility with lots of things to consider. If you’re not ready for the consequences, you may want to put off having sex until you’re able to handle it.
5. You can’t get pregnant if you stand up with having sex. Contrary to what you may have heard from the movie, Knocked Up, you can indeed get pregnant while standing up. Sperm are able to travel upstream even if the body is in a standing position. And just to clarify, if you’re having unprotected sex, you can get pregnant no matter WHAT position you’re in. So be safe, and be prepared!
Do you have a myth that I missed? Comment below and we'll answer it for you! Don't forget to check out our Facebook page! Click below to check it out!
Did you know that having anal or oral sex is considered SEX? I’ve heard that today’s teens are engaging in unprotected oral and anal sex because they don’t want the risk of getting pregnant. What I’m worried about is; what about the risk of getting a sexually transmitted infection?
Where there's sex, there can be STIs. This includes oral, anal, vaginal, or any type of sexual contact. Not only are STI’s passed through semen and vaginal secretions, the viruses or bacteria can also enter the body through cuts or tears in the mouth and anus.
What can you do to protect yourself? Use a condom or a dental dam every time you have oral or anal sex. If the thought of the taste of latex grosses you out or sounds weird, no worries! They make these barriers flavored to help with that!
Keep in mind that some STIs, like herpes or genital warts, can be spread just through skin-to-skin contact with an infected area or sore, usually the areas where a condom doesn’t cover. This is why it’s so important to make sure that you and your partner get tested BEFORE you engage in sexual activity.
You can’t tell if someone has an STI just by looking at them, and unfortunately, most people don’t know that they have an STI because they show no signs or symptoms. Think about it! It’s better to be safe than sorry!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We're here to answer any questions you may have!
Facebook seemed to take off when I started my freshman year of college at SUNY Potsdam. If you didn’t have a Facebook, chances are that you were harassed until you got one. There are some great benefits to the social networking site. Facebook allows you to pretty much upload everything and anything about your life, including your relationship status. Ever hear someone say, “It’s not official until it’s on Facebook!” I’ve heard this phrase used many times when it comes to Facebook and relationships: If your relationship isn’t public for everyone to see, then it doesn’t exist yet.
This brings me to my question: Does Facebook change the way we see relationships? Not only am I thinking about the start of a relationship, but what about the dreaded break up? Do you delete all of the photos you’ve posted with this person or just un-tag them? Usually with a break up comes the “Insert name hereis no longer in a relationship.” What if someone “likes” the fact that you’ve just gotten dumped? You could go from worrying about what people might say in school, to literally being able to read what they have to say all because of Facebook.
Does Facebook cause drama when it comes to relationships? Have you personally been through something like this, or maybe seen it happen to someone else? Or has Facebook become such a normal part of like that it really doesn’t affect relationships at all? What’s your opinion?
P.S. Don't forget to visit our Facebook page! Click the logo below to check it out and remember to click "like"!
This next entry was written by a student who knows what its like to be in our area in our time. I thank her for her honesty and insight!
PRESSURE.
The dictionary definition of pressure is "the burden of physical or mental distress". Well I don’t know about you, but I've never been one for proper definitions. Pressure to me, is being forced or persuaded to do something that you aren't really comfortable doing. Pressure is every where you turn, at school, on tv, everywhere. Pressure to have sex, do drugs, smoke, pretty much everything your parents are against. You really can't escape it, unless you live under a rock! I would like to tell you it gets better as you get older, but I'd be lying. If anything it gets worse, which probably isn't what you want to hear. And although you may not be able to escape pressure there are ways you can over come it.
First of all, if you aren't comfortable with it or if you know in your gut it's wrong, then for the sake of your emotions, don’t do it. Now I know it's easier said then done to just say " not me, not now", which is kind of cheesy if you ask me, but if you put up a front and really stand up for yourself, people will know you are serious and RESPECT you for it. Especially in high school and middle school, you get pressured to have sex, look sexy or a certain way and lets face it we are teenagers, we get curious oh and there are the hormones! But the saying ' curiosity killed the cat' was said for a good reason. For instance, your boyfriend, or your friends will be telling you about their 'first time' or about their sex life, and if you are a virgin you have no idea what they are talking about or you feel like the odd one out because you may be the only virgin at the party, which is understandable. But the thing is, you lose more than your virginity when you have sex at our age.Bottom line, it’s not worth it. Regardless of the pressure we feel. You lose your innocence, your youth and more and more these days you lose your high school education because you have to drop out because you just had your baby two weeks before prom. Yes, sex is a great thing and it feels good but sex is something that can change everything. People have sex when they really love and care about someone and share a deep connection with. Eventually you will find a good guy or girl in high school and you think they are your soul mate and all that, then you probably say and think all those things, but you are in HIGH SCHOOL, you have your whole life ahead of you to meet someone and fall in love and all that. I guarantee that the person you are with now, you most likely won't be with that person in a year and a half from now. So why give up something so precious and meaningful just because he says he loves you and he is hot? Virginity is something you will NEVER get back, it's not like a pair of pants that are too small and you can just return them. Life doesn't work that way. Your first time should be the way you have always dreamed of. If you have to ask yourself if you are ready, then you probably aren't. Don’t rush, you will know when you are ready to take that huge step in your life. If you want to avoid all these pressure problems, just try to avoid those situations or talk to your partner about sex and how you feel about it. If they can't respect that then rethink the relationship because trusting yourself sticking to your goals and being a healthy teen is what is most important.
You are in control of your life, and you have every right to say no. Never forget that. I'm not supporting teenage sex or abstinence, I’m supporting whatever you think is right for you, and you are the only one who will know when or if it's time.
I know we are all watching MTV’s Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant, and I want to chat about how we perceive it. Being a pregnant teen was once a shunned and even “dirty little secret” for some families is now the in your face growing normalcy on our TV screens. Do you think it’s glamorous? How much money are the girls getting per episode? Do you think that it’s worth getting pregnant to try to become a reality star? Are these girls role models?Let’s tackle one think at a time.
The money- well we don’t have access to their contracts but as we see in many episodes they are always struggling. Let’s take the original 4 of MTV’s Teen Mom. Maci, Farrah, Amber and Catelynn. Even though a couple of them come from families with money they are still struggling to make ends meet. Maci even had to fight Ryan for child support right? And Farrah was trying to get benefits for her daughter too. So just because they are on TV doesn’t mean they are rich. Did you know the average cost to raise a baby is at least $10,000 in just the first year?? That’s not including the daycare costs. Will your part time job support that? Two-thirds of families begun by a young unmarried mother are poor. More than half of all mothers on welfare had their first child as a teenager. Do you know how much a condom costs? $0. What about abstinence? Also $0.
Being Famous- Now let’s think what are these girls really famous for? Not wearing a condom? These shows are designed to show you how hard it is to be a teen and have to raise a child when, let’s face it you are still a kid yourself. But unfortunately these mom’s have become famous and are splashed on the cover of magazines with the likes of Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston. What message is that sending? Remember these girls have to face the downside of fame too, the media builds them up and viciously tears them down. Headlines like “Surviving on Prescription Drugs” and “Getting her baby taken away” are a constant battle. Do you want your picture next to those captions?
Role Models- Let’s look at the definition:
Role mod·el Noun: A person looked to by others as an example to be imitated
Now, I do not want to put these girls down for the choice that they have made, I do not believe it is my placed to judge, they have a very hard road ahead. But do we think they are role models? Or, should we look to them as an example of what NOT to do. I think that this is part of the reason the girls and their families agreed to do the show, for others to learn by a real life example
Teen moms rarely finish high school, only one-third of adolescent mothers will graduate high school, and only slightly over 1 percent of those will earn a college degree before they turn 30. What about being a role model for your kid yourself… Daughters of teen moms are three times more likely to become teenage mothers themselves. The sons of teen moms are two times more likely to end up in prison.
Again, I don’t think they Bristol Pailins’ or the “Teen Moms” out there are bad people, but they made irresponsible choices and are now dealing with their lives and their families lives turned upside down. Babies are a wonderful part of life, but wouldn’t you like to live yours a little while first? Think about it, if you get pregnant, I can guarantee MTV is not going to come knocking on your door.
As a spin off to MTV's 16 and Pregnant series, the show Teen Mom was created. In addition to teenage motherhood, the series focuses on themes of changing relationships, specifically those of the family, friends, couples and school. It shows the struggles teenagers have to go through to raise their children. The Livestrong.com website stated that the United States has the highest teenage pregnancy rate of all developed countries. About 1 million teenagers become pregnant each year and 95 percent of those pregnancies are unintended. So, do shows like this bring awareness to teenage pregnancy, or do they do more harm than good?
If you're a Teen Mom fan like me, you're aware that it's on Season 3 for teen moms Maci, Farrah, Amber and Catelynn. We watched them originally on the show 16 and Pregnant, which aired back in late 2009. Some people say that it's been great to see the struggles associated with teen pregnancy and really brings light to a rising issue. Others say that it does nothing more than glamorize teenage pregnancy and may be encouraging others to try to become pregnant because they want to become reality TV "stars".
16 and Pregnant has showcased over 30 stories since it's start back in mid 2009 and Teen Mom has shown a total 8 stories. Some say enough is enough. We've seen the stories and now it's time to end the show. Others wonder when will the filming of the original Teen Mom's lives come to an end? Just how much money are these girls receiving for having their entire lives filmed? Does the filming do more harm than good? When do these shows go from bringing awareness to an issue to just being another reality show purely for entertainment value? Do you think Teen Mom is bringing awareness to teenage pregnancy, or do you think shows like this are only making the problem worse?
What's your stance on the Teen Mom debate? Let your opinion be known by participating in this discussion!
Four Important Things You Need To Know About STD’s
First of all, what exactly is an STD? An STD is a sexually transmitted disease or infection that is passed from person to person through sexual contact including oral, anal or vaginal sex. According to the Students Against Destructive Decisions website, “Many people who have an STD don't know it.” If someone is unaware that they have an STI, this can create a lot of problems, especially if they are having unprotected sex with numerous partners. The infection will keep spreading until someone gets tested. Here’s are some facts you should know about STD’s: 1. There are two types of STI’s; bacterial and viral. Bacterial infections include Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Syphilis, and Trichomoniasis. Viral infections include, HIV, Herpes, and the Human Papillomavirus (HPV). Bacterial infections can be cured by antibiotics. Viral infections can be treated for its symptoms, but they can never be cured.
2. Getting tested by your physician is the only way to tell if you're infected.
3. If you get infected with an STD, the symptoms may appear right away or may lay dormant in the body and not show up for weeks, months, or even years. Even if the signs and symptoms go away on their own, you may still infect other people if you have unprotected sex with them.
4. If left untreated, STDs can cause infertility, long-term pain, or cancer.
Did you know that each year, approximately 19 million new STD infections occur, and almost half of them are among youth ages 15-24? (CDC) That’s 9.5 million new infections occurring in the 15-24 age range alone! STI’s are 100% preventable when using the correct precautions.
As we have seen, one of the symptoms of an STI is having no symptoms at all, which can be a really scary thing and should be a cause for concern. This is why it’s so important to get tested and to be tested on a regular basis. For more information about STD's, click here.
